And finally… foreplay

A man who laughed and swore at police officers who couldn’t find drugs on him was later found to be hiding a bag of cocaine – in his penis.

James Mason, 21, told officers “f**k off, you’re not searching me” and then, after a search, “ha ha, told you I had f**k all on us, you mugs”.

He was arrested for being drunk and disorderly, but was then seen with his hands down his pants on the way to the station, The Chronicle reports.

Officers demanded a strip search when they reached the station and a bag of cocaine was recovered from under his foreskin.

Mason was fined £120 in Newcastle Magistrates’ Court after admitting possession of a class A drug and being drunk and disorderly in a public place.

He was also ordered to pay £85 costs and a £30 victim surcharge.