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Don’t stay together for our sake, say children

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Cath Karlin

New research has found that around eight out of ten children and young people with experience of parental separation or divorce would prefer their parents to split up if they are unhappy, rather than stay together.

The poll of young people aged 14-22 with experience of parental separation, which was carried out byComRes on behalf of family law organisation Resolution and supported by Consensus Collaboration Scotland (CCS), has revealed fresh insights from children about the levels of involvement and amount of information they would like during their parents’ divorce.

A majority (82 per cent) of the young people surveyed said that, despite their feelings at the time, they felt it was ultimately better that their parents divorced rather than stay together unhappily.

Key findings from the research showed that children and young people want greater involvement in decision-making during the divorce process:

  • 62 per cent of children and young people polled disagreed with the statement that their parents made sure they were part of the decision-making process about their separation or divorce.

  • Half of young people (50 per cent) indicated that they did not have any say as to which parent they would live with or where they would live (49 per cent) following their parents’ separation or divorce. Importantly, 88 per cent said it is important to make sure children do not feel like they have to choose between their parents

  • Around half (47 per cent) said that they didn’t understand what was happening during their parents’ separation or divorce

  • Two in ten (19 per cent) agreed that they sometimes felt like the separation or divorce was their fault.

  • Resolution’s research also showed that many parents are handling their separation admirably. 50 per cent of young people agreed that their parents put their needs first during their separation or divorce.

    • Cath Karlin, a founding member of the Consensus Collaboration Scotland network and a partner at bto Solicitors, said: “This research confirms what family lawyers have known for a long time - it is far better for both the parents and children to remove themselves from relationships that are unhappy.

    “In extreme cases, staying in a toxic relationship can go on to affect children in later life.

    “It can also normalise for them unacceptable behaviours which can go on to affect how they go on to conduct themselves in their own adult relationships.

    “This study also confirms that it is not the divorce or separation itself that causes children trauma - it is the way that it is conducted that can affect them adversely.”

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